How to Turn Around Negative Communication Habits In Marriage… Part Two

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Did you list out your ideal communication?  Did it surprise you to learn what you really want?  Do you feel you’re close to it or miles away? 

Now that you’ve made your list of your ideal communication. It’s time to do one of two things: start implementing it on your own, or have a conversation with your spouse about it and create a plan together on how you want things to be going forward.


Here’s why I give those two options. 

First, some of you may not have a spouse that is open to communicating at this time.  If your spouse is “checked-out” of the relationship, the last thing you want to do is insert pressure at the wrong time.  This will only push them further away.  These type of relationships are very delicate and need expert care and guidance on what to do when to move forward effectively.  So, implementing the changes yourself is the best bet.  Your spouse will soon detect the improvements in the way you are communicating and things can go from there. 

Second, if your spouse is open to communicating, now is a great time to talk about communicating!  Here are some steps to do so successfully: 

  1. Agree to a time to talk.

  2. Agree to make it a “safe space” to share what your ideal communication looks like.  This means respect, openness and kindness.

  3. Agree to stop if things become tense or negative and try again when you’re both ready to talk calmly and respectfully.

  4. Make the intent of the conversation to understand your spouse better (not just so they understand you)

  5. Brainstorm ideas on how you can start communicating in a way that fulfills both of you.

  6. Lay down some ground rules you both agree to abide by to improve your communication.  (Rules might be no swearing, name calling, criticizing, attacking, bringing up the past, etc.) 

* If you run into significant challenges with this conversation (tension rises, you don’t agree on ground rules, etc.) then you may want to get the help of a professional that can guide you through it and may see underlying issues in your communication problems. Feel free to reach out to Marc or I if you are experiencing this. 

After you create your goals for your communication and lay down the ground rules, it’s time to implement them.   

How did your conversation go if you had one?  How are you doing implementing the changes yourself?

-Heather Choate

High Thrive Coaching

Need more help?  Grab our free Marriage Commmunication Assessment to uncover the strengths and weakeness in your Marriage and create the tyupe of communication you want! Click here for the free Assessment:

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