Can you save your marriage on your own?
You may be daunted by the thought of rescuing a marriage that feels like its on its last legs. However, don’t give up. Hold out hope that you can put in the work with the tools you need to save your flailing marriage.
When your partner is pulling away and making it more difficult to communicate, that’s when we employ our patented push/pull technique. When you feel like you’ve tried everything, there’s still hope!
Is it possible your existing tactics are actually pushing your partner away from you? Think about the ways you communicate with your partner and the things you say.
Do you often threaten to leave? What about taking away your kids, pets, things that are precious to your partner? Do you hold idle threats over your partner’s head to try to get him or her to see your reasoning? This could be harmful to your marriage.
You can’t make ineffective demands or make someone see your point of view through threats. This only strengthens the resolve of your spouse to leave! Step back from these thoughts and reassess your words and actions.
It’s natural to panic by the thought of your spouse leaving. This puts you in a desperate situation, creating fear and incoherent thoughts. Coming at your spouse with this type of mindset will make it less likely for your spouse to respond to you in a positive manner. It’s time to stop making demands, begging, threatening, and manipulating – you’re only pushing your partner away instead of the opposite!
Step back, breathe, walk away! Now it’s time to employ a new method; pulling your spouse back to you instead of pushing them away.
Create a sense of safety, love, trust, and comfort for your spouse in the marriage instead of a threatening one. Think about the opportunity and chance you have to address the problems in your marriage honestly and positively with a better chance for a good outcome.
Look to understand what your spouse is going through. How can you repair your spouse’s feelings? Can you accept his or her emotions and fears right now? What is the reason your spouse wants to leave, and how can you work to fix these feelings?
You don’t want to talk to your spouse about something as important as your marriage with walls and defenses up! Make your spouse feel like it’s okay for him or her to openly discuss feelings and fears without you reacting defensively.
Create a safe space for communication within your marriage, even if things aren’t as good as they should be. Let your spouse know you want to understand how they feel and allow them to explain their point of view.
Your mindset is very important at this time. When you stay calm, your interactions will be more positive. This will make your partner feel more comfortable communicating with you. Try not to react in the knee-jerk way you have before.
Don’t set high expectations or zero in on things you can’t control. Go with the flow and focus on what you can control. The things you say, your mindset, your feelings. Learn to process your feelings so you can communicate effectively and reconnect positively with your partner.
What if you have a positive mindset and do and say the right things and your spouse still feels like they can’t open up to you? Consider why your spouse wants to leave and think about what they may want to change. Address these things with your spouse. Be the first one to make contact and open up.
Consider what it is your spouse really needs from you. Ask the Golden Question of your spouse. “What do you mean?” This gives your spouse the chance to confirm and address the question. This is a chance to clarify your feelings and explain them. Gain understanding and go deeper to open up communication with your spouse.
Find out more about the push/pull method and other methods and tools you can use to improve your marital life. Join our podcast for more great marriage guidance! https://www.relationshiprebootcourse.com/join-podcast
Get the Thriving Marriage Podcast https://www.relationshiprebootcourse.com/join-podcast
Subscribe to our new podcast and be the first one to listen to it!