Three Reasons Why Most People are Afraid to Make Their Marriage Better

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  • They don’t have a vision for the future.

The ancient saying that “without a vision, the people perish” is certainly relevant to marriage in today’s culture.

Because the reality?

Look around you. You likely don’t see a marriage that demonstrates or models the depth of the connection, intimacy and love that you hope to have in your relationship.

It isn’t modeled in songs. On TV or Netflix. Or in movies.

Why?

Because most people don’t get through the “struggle” phase of the relationship. They stay stuck in it for years. And end up divorcing, or maintaining a cordial “roommate” status and giving up on their intimacy.

Which sucks. But it becomes THEIR story of what is possible.

And if you can’t see it or imagine it, and if you don’t have a vision for it. You won’t BELIEVE it’s possible.

Which means you’ve already settled.

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  1. Taking responsibility is scary.

—————————————-

If you don’t take 100% responsibility for what you want and where you want to go…you can’t make your marriage better.

But most people refuse to take responsibility.

Because they think it comes hand in hand with blame.

And they have a hard enough time accepting themselves without adding on a bunch of blame.

Also: life is easier when you have excuses.

When you take responsibility, you can’t point the finger and say everything would be great if only (he/she) didn’t do this or that.

When you take responsibility, you have to ask the question: how am I responsible? What can I learn? How can I change?

And most people don’t know how to do that in a productive way.

The first part of taking responsibility?

Realizing it just means YOU are always ABLE to RESPOND. Response. Ability.

 ——————————

  1. Compartmentalizing.

——————————

The third reason is simple. People don’t realize the extent that an epic relationship at home directly impacts every other area of life.

If you have a struggling relationship – it will leak into every other area of your life.

Your career or business.

Your relationship with your kids.

Your dreams and purpose.

Your passion.

Your health.

Your energy levels.

Your sense of happiness, joy and fulfillment.

Your clarity.

A strong relationship is more important to enjoying life and happiness than anything else. (75 year Harvard study proved this).

+ It’s a key predictor of wealth and reaching income goals. (There is a reason the best employers want hires with a stable home life).

+ It’s essential to reaching satisfaction, self expression and fulfillment. (To be fully known and unconditionally accepted is incredible powerful in life).

+ It’s a stress and anxiety minimizer. (Vulnerable relationships bring key perspectives that transform stress).

+ It’s restorative for energy levels. (True connection increases happiness, vitality, sense of purpose, and energy levels).

+ It has massive health benefits – including hormone balance. (Regular sex, endorphins, intimate connection and conversation…all helps increase hormones that are good for you and reduce the ones that are bad).

In other words – people in a struggling relationships often lie to themselves and tell themselves it’s normal. They should just live with it.

In the meantime, they go to the gym. They eat healthy. They try to grow their business and advance their career. They meditate and/or go to church. They try to find their passion and purpose.

They invest time, energy and money in all of those things…chasing shiny objects, while ignoring the one thing that is blocking everything they want!

The truth is simple.

If you’re in a committed relationship – it’s the number one thing you can work on to improve your life in EVERY area.

It’s a way higher priority than that getting money for the new car. Or growing that business. Or even taking the kids to soccer practice.  Isn’t it time to start working on that?

-Heather Choate

 

P.S. If your ready to improve your marriage and are eager to learn how, book a free session with us.  You will get massive clarity on what the core issues are in your marriage and the best way to move forward so you can have the happy, thriving marriage you want. Click here to book free breakthrough session!  https://www.highthrivecoaching.com/apply

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  1. They don’t have a vision for the future.

The ancient saying that “without a vision, the people perish” is certainly relevant to marriage in today’s culture.

Because the reality?

Look around you. You likely don’t see a marriage that demonstrates or models the depth of the connection, intimacy and love that you hope to have in your relationship.

It isn’t modeled in songs. On TV or Netflix. Or in movies.

Why?

Because most people don’t get through the “struggle” phase of the relationship. They stay stuck in it for years. And end up divorcing, or maintaining a cordial “roommate” status and giving up on their intimacy.

Which sucks. But it becomes THEIR story of what is possible.

And if you can’t see it or imagine it, and if you don’t have a vision for it. You won’t BELIEVE it’s possible.

Which means you’ve already settled.

—————————————-

  1. Taking responsibility is scary.

—————————————-

If you don’t take 100% responsibility for what you want and where you want to go…you can’t make your marriage better.

But most people refuse to take responsibility.

Because they think it comes hand in hand with blame.

And they have a hard enough time accepting themselves without adding on a bunch of blame.

Also: life is easier when you have excuses.

When you take responsibility, you can’t point the finger and say everything would be great if only (he/she) didn’t do this or that.

When you take responsibility, you have to ask the question: how am I responsible? What can I learn? How can I change?

And most people don’t know how to do that in a productive way.

The first part of taking responsibility?

Realizing it just means YOU are always ABLE to RESPOND. Response. Ability.

 ——————————

  1. Compartmentalizing.

——————————

The third reason is simple. People don’t realize the extent that an epic relationship at home directly impacts every other area of life.

If you have a struggling relationship – it will leak into every other area of your life.

Your career or business.

Your relationship with your kids.

Your dreams and purpose.

Your passion.

Your health.

Your energy levels.

Your sense of happiness, joy and fulfillment.

Your clarity.

A strong relationship is more important to enjoying life and happiness than anything else. (75 year Harvard study proved this).

+ It’s a key predictor of wealth and reaching income goals. (There is a reason the best employers want hires with a stable home life).

+ It’s essential to reaching satisfaction, self expression and fulfillment. (To be fully known and unconditionally accepted is incredible powerful in life).

+ It’s a stress and anxiety minimizer. (Vulnerable relationships bring key perspectives that transform stress).

+ It’s restorative for energy levels. (True connection increases happiness, vitality, sense of purpose, and energy levels).

+ It has massive health benefits – including hormone balance. (Regular sex, endorphins, intimate connection and conversation…all helps increase hormones that are good for you and reduce the ones that are bad).

In other words – people in a struggling relationships often lie to themselves and tell themselves it’s normal. They should just live with it.

In the meantime, they go to the gym. They eat healthy. They try to grow their business and advance their career. They meditate and/or go to church. They try to find their passion and purpose.

They invest time, energy and money in all of those things…chasing shiny objects, while ignoring the one thing that is blocking everything they want!

The truth is simple.

If you’re in a committed relationship – it’s the number one thing you can work on to improve your life in EVERY area.

It’s a way higher priority than that getting money for the new car. Or growing that business. Or even taking the kids to soccer practice.  Isn’t it time to start working on that?

-Heather Choate

 

P.S. If your ready to improve your marriage and are eager to learn how, book a free session with us.  You will get massive clarity on what the core issues are in your marriage and the best way to move forward so you can have the happy, thriving marriage you want. Click here to book free breakthrough session!  https://www.highthrivecoaching.com/apply

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